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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278768">The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handfulofdust/pseuds/Handfulofdust'>Handfulofdust</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Declarations Of Love, F/M, Romantic Gestures, Secret Santa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:29:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handfulofdust/pseuds/Handfulofdust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia gets an unexpected gift in the Secret Santa exchange between Manhattan NYPD and DA's office which may or may not be the result of some behind the scenes shenanigans from Rafael's new co-workers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Barson Secret Santa 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Gabem1126">Gabem1126</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I really don't know what happened here but it has some funny lines?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> "I chose, and my world was shaken </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> So what? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> The choice may have been mistaken </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> The choosing was not </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You have to move on </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Look at what you want </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Not at where you are </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Not at what you'll be </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Look at all the things you've done for me" </em>
</p>
<p>-Sondheim, "Move On," from Sunday in the Park with George</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For Jen @Gabem1126 </p>
<p>Prompt: You can pick</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't even know why I signed up for this damn thing," Amanda grumbles, unintentionally scattering crinkle paper on the floor. </p>
<p>"What'd ya get Rollins," Carisi motions, trying to peer into the box.</p>
<p>"Sausage. My secret Santa sent sausage."</p>
<p>Olivia hadn't wanted to sign up for Secret Santa either. She didn't have the time to be trying to learn what some person in the Financial Crimes Bureau would like. </p>
<p>But it was tradition, and she was the boss, and Jack McCoy had basically intimated he expected every person remotely related to criminal investigations in Manhattan to join in. In the spirit of what, she wasn’t really sure. </p>
<p>She would imagine it was about legacy while staring at the looming end of his career, but no one seemed to know why he suddenly cared about departmental unity. He hadn’t actually announced his retirement either.</p>
<p>She’d been expecting the announcement since he had given Rafael what he deemed a promotion to homicide. Rafael didn’t seem to agree it was a promotion - he had actually characterized it as being thrown to the proverbial wolves, but she wasn’t so sure.</p>
<p>At first she thought he had asked for it - he deserved a promotion and he’s great with the inevitable media firestorm that eventually comes with Manhattan homicides. She’s not even truly sure why it made her so mad to find out he hadn’t requested it himself.</p>
<p>She thought she had wanted him to stick around - to be on her team. Not Homicide’s, not Jack McCoy’s. Hers.</p>
<p>But what a new team he has - Miller, Reyes, Li - the way he talks about them as if he hates every single one. But she knows he would write a glowing recommendation for each that he would immediately deny having been a part of. </p>
<p>Then there’s Masters. The sergeant he bitches about at every possible opportunity. But she’s not sure he’s noticed it’s always, always personal. She’s intrusive. She asks too many questions about his business. Wears far too much pink for a human being. </p>
<p>Says the person who wears paisley ties with polka dotted shirts.</p>
<p>He has never once complained about her work ethic. And it’s possible she might be getting a little bit jealous.</p>
<p>She’s genuinely, incandescently happy for him. She wants him to succeed, to go on to the brighter things she knows he’s always actually wanted. She’s not even mad he went to homicide. </p>
<p>She’s mad he didn’t ask for it. </p>
<p>Somehow, she’d worked up in her head that if they could be on the same team professionally. They could finally work something out personally. </p>
<p>At this rate - with the glowing reviews of the homicide team and continued status quo, maybe she was imagining his interest the whole time. </p>
<p>It shouldn’t be this devastating to have this good of a friend. </p>
<p>And yet, she’s worried. Worried McCoy and his campaign manager have cooked up a plan to make Rafael Barba the next District Attorney of New York County. </p>
<p>Worried Fiona Masters has some plan cooked up to rig the election in his favor. Worried the Nathan’s gift card she sent to the head of computer crimes will be read as a great affront on par with Amanda’s sausages.</p>
<p>Worried the jewelry box she got from her Secret Santa is a cruel prank.</p>
<p>Because she didn’t know how much she wanted it to be from him until the thought occurred that it might not be.</p>
<p>But the problem is - it’s a very nice box with a very nice necklace inside. Rose gold open heart with a gold chain. </p>
<p>There’s no way anyone would spend that kind of money on a prank. Unless Sgt. Fiona Masters is up to something crafty.</p>
<p>She’s not that cruel. She’s definitely that rich, but not that cruel.</p>
<p>There’s only one person that rich <em>and</em> that cruel.</p>
<p>Felipe Dominguez made his money selling asset futures on Wall Street. Or from helping the cartel evade prosecution in his native Mexico. Or a series of shady dealings with deregulation.</p>
<p>A political operative of an exacting nature, he deals in favors and quid pro quo, loyal to no one except his own power.</p>
<p>Jack McCoy’s campaign manager also seems to be running a series of Super PACs that are not at all coordinating with most of the Democratic candidates in the city. And he’s certainly not making any money off of that. </p>
<p>Or so he’s made clear to just about anyone who hints at asking. </p>
<p>Jack McCoy may not think he is retiring but Felipe Dominguez is certainly about to cut his losses either way. And the man is obsessed with Rafael Barba.</p>
<p>Or so Rafa claims when he complains about the man interrupting his work at least once a week to talk about nothing in particular. When he schmoozes with half of the detectives in the precinct and claims he was just dropping by to talk to Rafael. </p>
<p>She called the theory ridiculous when he first started offering it - couched in ramblings about what corner of Hell he hatched from - but she’d never heard of the man until six months ago. Six months ago when Rafa was placed in homicide.</p>
<p>She’d never seen the man until five months ago when he entered her office pretending to be an old friend. He’d offered a deal to leak a story to the press in order to drum up support to get a suspected serial rapist in jail. In exchange for a future favor at his discretion.</p>
<p>This was a deal she had no intention of agreeing to, and he knew it. </p>
<p>And thus had begun the saga of him entering <strong>her</strong> office at least once a week to offer a deal they both knew she would never take. </p>
<p>And now, here he is, just in time to piss her off today.</p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>This is how it usually goes, him prattling about some criminal neither of them actually care about until she finds some way of getting him to the point. </p>
<p>Today though, he starts first. </p>
<p>"That is a very nice necklace Miss Olivia," he grins, gesturing toward the item on her desk. </p>
<p>She stops short of asking him how he possibly knows that it's a necklace, given that it is still in the box. A teal box emblazoned with Tiffany &amp; Co., but nevertheless -</p>
<p>"Is this your way of confessing?" she grins back. </p>
<p>This throws him for a half-second, but he recovers quickly. </p>
<p>"To what?"</p>
<p>Felipe Dominguez- never going to play a game he hasn't lain out all possible permutations of moves for. Forcing her to reveal her hand first.</p>
<p>Dick.</p>
<p>"Your role in procuring the necklace."</p>
<p>"So it is a necklace? <em>Interesante</em>."</p>
<p>She finds it hard to believe he didn't know this ahead of time.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure why it would be."</p>
<p>"Please. Why would a man buy a $2000 necklace for Secret Santa?"</p>
<p>She’d looked it up. It was not worth $2000. It was worth $1200. But he wants her to believe it's worth two grand. </p>
<p>He wants her to believe it isn’t a prank. Which is making her start to accept the truth that it probably is. </p>
<p>"You're presuming a lot."</p>
<p>"True," he nods, "why would anyone buy a $2000 necklace?"</p>
<p>So his game is now the gender of the person. Why? </p>
<p>"How do you know anyone bought it?"</p>
<p>"I have possibly said too much," his eyes dart around the room obviously, too obviously. </p>
<p>"So you know who bought it."</p>
<p>It is not a question. </p>
<p>He wants her to know he knows who bought it. It might even be him. </p>
<p>It probably was him. </p>
<p>Or at least, someone he conned into buying it. </p>
<p>"No, no more answers. I am pleading the fifth one."</p>
<p>"The fifth what?"</p>
<p>"The things in the Constitution where you don't answer questions you don't want to."</p>
<p>"The fifth Amendment?"</p>
<p>"If that is what you have decided it is.”</p>
<p>No wonder Rafa hates him. No wonder she hates him. </p>
<p>"Why are you here anyway?"</p>
<p>"Ah yes!” Great, she’s gone and fallen just where he wanted her to, “Our mutual amigo Mr. Barbara needs your help."</p>
<p>Their mutual friend who he refuses to give the correct last name. If Rafael needed her help with anything he would have called her directly. </p>
<p>"And he’s funneling this request through you because?”</p>
<p>“Well,” he pauses, almost as if he hadn’t considered her questioning the premise itself, “It is more, I need you to help him accept my political help as he has refused.” </p>
<p>She’s done with whatever this conversation is. Two seconds away from giving him the damn necklace and calling him out over this bullshit. Over having her heart half stamped out because some guy thinks she’s The Rafa Whisperer.</p>
<p>She can’t even get him to ask her out. </p>
<p>"Rafael is not running for DA."</p>
<p>She has no way of knowing that. She just doesn’t want him to. She never realized how much she didn’t want him to until now. </p>
<p>This perks up Dominguez, "Who said he's running for DA?"</p>
<p>She shakes her head in response, considers just leaving the room to get away from him, but he continues. </p>
<p>"I am going to be honest with you as I have grown tired of this conversation." She doubts he has been honest with a human since he was a child. If he ever was a child. "Rafael will not be the DA."</p>
<p>Didn’t she just state without any evidence that he wouldn’t even be running? </p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"And the reason you don't want him to be has more to do with that necklace than you want it to."</p>
<p>"I don't-"</p>
<p>He sighs deeply, “If Rafael bought you the necklace it means he is in love with you. If Rafael becomes the DA he cannot be in love with you. Because of the interest conflicts or morality or whatever Fifi likes to call it.”</p>
<p>Who the fuck is Fifi? </p>
<p>“You’re saying you didn’t buy the necklace?”</p>
<p>“No, I am saying I have bigger plans than Jack and, therefore, we are on the same page.”</p>
<p>She’s not even sure they’re in the same library.</p>
<p>She finds she doesn’t have the words. All she has the ability to do is gape. </p>
<p>“Fine,” he huffs, “I did not buy the necklace. I may have helped steer him into that channel but it was him.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>He shrugs, “I am trying to be nice. I want people to be happy.” She thinks that may be the least believable thing of the series of unbelievable things that have occurred in this office. “Okay, maybe if both of you are happy you will be more nice to me. According to Fifi.”</p>
<p> She didn’t realize she was meant to be nice to him ever. </p>
<p>“So you coerced Rafael into buying me a two thousand dollar necklace because you wanted us to be happy?”</p>
<p>"No coercing!” he seems appalled at the suggestion. “I do not force people to do things they do not want, I am not a monster."</p>
<hr/>
<p>It should be easy to know what to do next, right? Rafa, with a little help from his very pushy not-quite friends, bought her a ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry that she really, really likes. </p>
<p>It could mean what Felipe says it does, that Rafa is in love with her. It could mean that Felipe has finally gotten one over on her and talked her into believing it means Rafa is in love with her. </p>
<p>She has to confront him, right? </p>
<p>Has to ask him just, what in the fuck, he was thinking.</p>
<p>She imagines she should offer him some preamble, but by the time she’s made it to his apartment she’s quite agitated. Thinking about it all the way over here has just made the question clearer and she can’t really wait that much longer.</p>
<p>So he’s barely shut the door by the time it’s out of her mouth. </p>
<p>"What are you doing giving me jewelry for Secret Santa?” she accuses, daring him to deny it.</p>
<p>"Excuse me?" he dares.</p>
<p>"I know it's from you.”</p>
<p>She’s not offering how she knows it’s from him. Nor is she admitting that she’s only 75% sure because her source is unreliable at best and laying the foundations for blackmail at worst.</p>
<p>She can see him working up the muster to deny it but it dies almost as quickly. </p>
<p>"I know-” he mutters, throwing a hand across his eyebrow, “I should have known better and that's not how it works, and,” he shakes his head, taking a breath, "I should have just signed you up for a macaron club but Lou convinced me that getting your name was a sign and Dominguez says Christmas is a time for the truth, and,” he pauses, clucking his tongue against the back of his teeth. “I should have known the fix was in when Fiona and Felipe agreed on something."</p>
<p>"Felipe Dominguez told you Christmas is a time for the truth?"</p>
<p>"Well he said it in Spanish but I'm the moron who didn't see what they were doing."</p>
<p>"And that is?"</p>
<p>If Felipe is to be believed he just wants everyone to get along like they did in middle school. </p>
<p>"It doesn't matter. It's just that I'm a dumbass."</p>
<p>"I don't think that's true."</p>
<p>"No, it's true. I’m sorry. I have to stop misreading the signals and actually move on."</p>
<p>What signals?</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?"</p>
<p>"Don't make me say it."</p>
<p>"Rafa- you can't buy $1000 jewelry for Secret Santa.”</p>
<p>$1200 jewelry, but who’s counting?</p>
<p>"I know that now. I can get you the receipt."</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"So you can take it back."</p>
<p>"Why would I-"</p>
<p>"Right, I guess that would be my job."</p>
<p>She finds she doesn't want to hand it back to him, even though she should. She wants to wear it, even though she can't. Even though she put it before she came over here. Why she did that she’s not entirely sure. </p>
<p>She wants it to mean, well, what it can't possibly. </p>
<p>Does she like the necklace or does she just like what getting a necklace like that is supposed to mean?</p>
<p>Does it matter?</p>
<p>"I can call you a cab."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"I assume you came here to rid yourself of an offensive object and read me the riot act. So now that that’s done -” </p>
<p>She doesn't know what she was expecting - except for him to fight it a little more. </p>
<p>She allows herself to give him a once over. She's not used to seeing him this casual. Unkempt hair, T-shirt he's filling out a little too well. </p>
<p>It's criminal, really. To look like that and have no earthly idea what it does to people. What it does to her.</p>
<p>Then it occurs to her - why she actually came over. Why she'd dropped Noah off for a sleepover. ‘</p>
<p>She'd been hoping he'd kiss her.</p>
<p>She'd been expecting a lot more than that actually. </p>
<p>It’s why she put the thing on, right?</p>
<p>"What if I wanted to stay?"</p>
<p>His eyebrow raises. "I don't think that's fair."</p>
<p>"Fair- like getting your friend $1000 jewelry?”</p>
<p>She can see him swallow what he wants to say, watches as it runs down his throat. Stops herself from racing across the room to trace it.</p>
<p>"I can't fall in love with someone else if you're in everything."</p>
<p>How the hell is she supposed to respond to that? </p>
<p>Really, why should she want him to fall in love with someone else? Why isn’t he allowed to just love her? </p>
<p>Why can’t he just use the words and tell her? </p>
<p>So he responds for her.</p>
<p>"If you stick around I'm going to keep hoping that will change and I - I have to move on."</p>
<p>"I don't want you to move on."</p>
<p>"Liv-"</p>
<p>And the brick smacks her across the face. Why he never made a real move, why he didn’t want to transfer, why he didn’t say anything until now. Why he never seems to find the words even though he’s full of them. </p>
<p>He doesn’t think she wants them. He doesn’t think she wants him at all. </p>
<p>Idiot.  </p>
<p>"Why can't I feel the same way?"</p>
<p>He gapes at her. </p>
<p>"You don’t want the necklace!"</p>
<p>She never said that. Just that he shouldn’t have bought it for a Secret Santa gift. Just that it’s worth too much money. </p>
<p>Oh. </p>
<p>"Rafa,” she shakes her head, “Was offering me the necklace supposed to be some kind of metaphor for yourself or something"</p>
<p>He shrugs, twisting up his mouth into something tiny, "If you're into overwrought symbolism."</p>
<p>She doesn't know why he's just standing there. If he's reading metaphors she's been wearing the thing the whole time.</p>
<p>She should be saying something instead of watching him pretend to be fascinated with his counter backsplash. That's why he's just standing there - because she hasn't said anything.</p>
<p>"Why do you think I came over here with it on if I didn’t want both?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>She wouldn’t go so far as to say it was worth the wait but - damn. Sometimes pent-up frustration actually does lead to chemical reactions. Or maybe he just knows what he’s doing. Or maybe she just really fucking likes him.</p>
<p>Him -- an idiot who listened to a ragtag band of really nosy people who definitely had better things to do at work. Maybe they meant well, maybe its somehow part of Felipe’s secret plan to fight inflation.</p>
<p>She’s surprised to find she doesn’t really give a shit. </p>
<p>If she gets to keep a nice necklace, orgasms like that, and the love of her life - and all she has to do is tell Felipe Dominguez to go back to Hell a couple times a week it’s decent trade really.</p>
<p>"For the record," Rafa murmurs, kissing along her collarbone as he fingers the necklace, "this wasn't the one I wanted to buy."</p>
<p>"No? But this one's…"</p>
<p>Gorgeous. </p>
<p>"Flashy and ridiculous,” he laughs, looking up into her eyes, “I know."</p>
<p>She thinks it's perfect. She thinks he's perfect. Even if they're both a bit flashy and ridiculous. </p>
<p>She shakes her head, reaching to run her fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>"Your point being?"</p>
<p>"The one I wanted to buy was much flashier, but I can control myself."</p>
<p>"Maybe I don't want you to."</p>
<p>He grins, letting his fingers drift further down her chest. </p>
<p>“I do have a question though-” </p>
<p>“Shoot,” he answers, undeterred, hand still inching toward its intended destination. </p>
<p>“Who the fuck is Fifi?”</p>
<p>He stops in his tracks. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No I don't really know what Felipe is up to. Nor do I know what I am up to with this fic- but hopefully it was entertaining in spite of its illegibility.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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